It’s one day after Christmas
I’m crabby and I’m broke.
I’m so full of ham and fruitcake
I think I’m gonna croak.
It’s nice to see the relatives
I wonder when they’ll leave.
They’ve been camping in my bathroom
since early Christmas Eve.
They’re eating everything in sight
and sleeping in my bed.
I been sacked out in the basement
with my beagle, Fred.
The relatives have all gone out
and left their screaming brats.
The toilet bowl is all plugged up
and I can’t find the cat.
It’s Christmas time at my house,
the relatives are here.
They eat me out of house and home.
and drink up all my beer.
Those cookie crunchers fed the dog
a twenty pound rib roast.
His feet are sticking in the air
like skinny old fence posts.
Now they’re in a free-for-all,
the girls against the boys.
They’re fighting over boxes
’cause they’re bored with all their toys
My mother-in-law is snoring
in my favorite TV chair.
Those kids are stringing lights on her
and tinseling her hair
I oughta wake her up
before the fireworks begin.
But I wanna see those blue sparks fly
when they plug her in.