Christmas Jokes weblog – Jokes for Christmas
A gift this week from a friend was wrapped in
thick blue paper with this printed statement
repeated in a pattern all over the gift wrap …
Have a Satisfactory
Non-Denominational
Capitalist Wintertime
Gift-Giving Season
A friend of ours waited until the last minute to send Christmas cards. She knew she had 49 folks on her list. So she rushed into a store and bought a package of 50 cards without really looking at them.
Still in a big hurry, she addressed the 49 and signed them without reading the message inside.
On Christmas Day when things had quieted down somewhat, she happened to come across the one leftover card and finally read the message she had sent to 49 of her friends.
Much to her dismay, it read like this:
“This card is just to say
A little gift is on the way.”
Suddenly she realized that 49 of her friends were expecting a gift from her.
Source: Don’t Be Rushed For Christmas
Christmas Jokes – Christmas Humor
TWO BROTHERS were walking home from Sunday school, each deep in his own thoughts, finally, one boy said, “what do think about all that devil stuff we learned to day?”
The other replied thoughtfully, “Well you know how Santa Claus turned out!”
A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible.
Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking,
”Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?”
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
Funny Joke – Things I’ve learned about Tennessee and being a
Tennessean….
Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Tennessee.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Tennessee plus
a couple no one’s seen before.
Squirrels will eat anything.
Unknown critters love to dig holes under tomato plants.
Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they
are ripe.
If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
A tractor is NOT and all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
Onced and twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.
People actually grow and eat okra.
“Fixinto” is one word.
There is no such thing as “lunch”. There is only dinner and then
there is supper.
Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when
you’re two.
Backards and forwards means “I know everything about you.”
Jeet? is actually a phrase meaning “Did you eat?”
You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn’t matter what time
it is.
You work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.
More about Tennesseans….
You know you’re from Tennessee if:
1. You measure distance in minutes.
2. You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
3. You use “fix” as a verb. Example: “I’m fixing to go to the store
4. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit,
vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
5. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave
both unlocked.
6. You know what a “VOL” is.
7. You carry jumper cables in your car…for your OWN car.
11. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday
12. You find 100 degrees fahrenheit “a little warm”.
13. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer
and Christmas.
14. You know whether another Tennessean is from east, west or middle
Tennessee as soon as they open their mouth.
15. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as”goin’ Wal-martin” or
off to “Wally World”.
16. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good
pinto-bean weather.
17. A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola or pop…it’s a Coke,
regardless of brand or flavor. Example: “What kinda coke you want?”
18. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
19. You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from
Tennessee (and those who just wish they were).
This seems to be appropriate for all three Christmas Blogs we have here. As long as we add an actual fruitcake recipe, this should be appropriate for Christmas Quotes, Christmas Recipes and Christmas Jokes.
And for the quotations lovers in the house here is a quote:
“Because I hate fruitcake.”
- Bonnie Napier – When asked why we had not posted any fruitcake recipes this year.
Twelve Things You Probably Didn’t Know You Could Do With A Fruitcake
1. Paint a few white and place them outside on the grass so people won’t park on your lawn.
2. Use it as building material. (This is actually what the Ancient Egyptians used to build the Great Pyramids.) 3. Keep one under your pillow for home defense.
4. Send one to the junk mail company with a note asking them to take you off their list.
5. It’s colorful, use it as a Yule Log.
6. Carve the Presidents’ faces in it and submit as a science or art project.
7. Give one to your boss and tell him it’s a life preserver.
8. Use it as a base for flower arrangements.
9. Donate to the local airport for use as airliner wheel blocks.
10. Grind a few up and give it back to your in-laws in a bag marked “lawn fertilizer.”
11. For a community project, sink a few in the ocean and build an artificial reef.
12. Tie one to each foot when you walk through deep snow to keep your feet dry.
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